8: The Nature of Mind: Part I
By now, if you are practicing the spiritual exercises of the past weeks, you are coming to see the nature of your own mind. I find it fascinating to watch these mental processes – talk about ‘streaming!’ The internet and Netflix are pikers compared to my restless, ever-moving, mind. There is a ceaseless stream of chatter about everything and nothing, and for years, it seemed impossible to get it to stop.
Recently, I read a fascinating book by a Harvard neuroscientist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. She had a massive stroke in her 30s that destroyed her ability to use words. As a result, she could neither speak nor think. She remarked, much later, on the marvelous interior stillness that she experienced during those years. Can you imagine – to live a life where you are not beset by the constant chattering in your head?
In effect, we have been captured by our chatter. It owns us, not the other way around. We have come to believe that our “I,” our self, is reality. Our sense of self is maintained by our constant internal chatter. We talk about everything; it is a never-ending stream of words, often full of ‘sound and thunder, but signifying nothing.’ When I began trying to control this inner blather, it seemed like an impossible task. No matter what I did to try to contain it, the chattering monkeys in my head eventually seduced me, and I began to listen even though I knew it would lead me nowhere. I felt helpless.
I tried suppressing this mentation. That sometimes worked for a few minutes, but I always felt an oppressive weight when I did so. After a time, I realized that this was a dead end. I was replacing my inner stream of chatter with this oppressive weight. I tried meditating for long periods, but all that did was make me the hapless victim of my thinking for longer periods. I finally decided to stop resisting this chatter and simply look at what was going on.
Here is what I found. My mind – and by that, I mean my ability to reason and think – appears to have two primary functions: analysis and synthesis. When we analyze something, we focus our attention and break down what we observe into its component parts. Synthesis, on the other hand, is the process of combining those parts together, often in new and unusual ways. That’s it. That’s all my mind does. Everything else is just entertainment.
Entertainment? Yes, when you look at it dispassionately, it is just one of my ways of entertaining myself. I comment on everything around me. I gossip to myself. I make snide comments, and nasty ones, too. I make value judgments and criticize constantly. And on and on – you know this because you do it too.
To what end? What is the purpose of all this chatter? Very little actually escapes my head with a verbal comment, so why am I doing this? What is actually going on? Basically, I am talking to hear myself talk. And with every comment, I am reasserting my place as the center of the known universe. Ahh… our common fantasy, this. I am the center of all I survey. In effect, I am assuming God’s place as ruler of the universe. As Bill Cosby used to say, to great effect, “Righttttttt…”
Our ego steps in and starts proclaiming, “Me-Me-Me!” All of our internal self-talk serves to reinforce this ego position of superiority. It reminds me of The Wizard of Oz. The wizard speaks with a thunderous voice and proclaims himself to be the All-Powerful Oz, the great and wonderful Oz. The magnificent bull-shitter, Oz. That’s me, and I suspect it may be you as well.
Most of the time, we don’t notice the amazing self-centeredness of our self-talk. We simply accept it as normal and natural, since it has been with us throughout our conscious existence. And then, something different happens. We are silenced by the beauty of a sunset. We are awed by the courage of someone rushing into a burning building to save a little girl. We fall in love and can find no words that adequately express our feelings. In these moments, our inner chatter is stilled. In the sudden silence, we find ourselves open in a startling new way.
It is in this inner stillness, in this silence, that our hearts open to the Divine.
Which brings me to our third spiritual exercise. This practice will help you quiet your mind and the ceaseless production of (often useless) thoughts. In this exercise, you will use your imagination, a faculty of the mind, to still the mind.
Creating Inner Stillness
1. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and take a seat. No specific posture is necessary for this exercise, so just make yourself comfortable.
2. Close your eyes and direct your attention within your body. Simply observe and refrain from judging what you experience there.
3. Now, imagine what it would be like for your thoughts to come to a complete halt. Let yourself experience the resulting stillness. Let yourself dive deeply into this experience.
4. Next, visualize yourself in meditation, sitting in this inner stillness. Allow yourself to rest here for a while.
5. When you feel ready, invite the sensation back into your feet, hands, and face. Take a deep breath and open your eyes.
This is a process that you can employ frequently and to great advantage. In effect, you are giving yourself a specific target to aim at. This practice allows us to focus our attention and to pull it away from the trivial chatter that is too often our most frequent companion.
So, use this stilling exercise multiple times a day. It prepares you for a much deeper meditation experience. Underneath all of our chatter is a perfect Stillness, and in this place, our hearts will find their rest. In that Stillness, we find our deepest Self and our true home.
I want to encourage you to keep up with your daily meditation practice. If you are new to this, try meditating for just five minutes or so several times a day. You are in the process of exploring your inner world, plumbing its depths to experience what lies within your own deepest self. To co-opt an old Army advertisement for a very different purpose, “Be all that you can be!” LOL
1 Jill Bolte Taylor. My Stroke of Insight. Viking. 2008.